Impact of imprisonment on children

Introduction

The imprisonment of a parent, carer or significant family member is likely to bring major practical and emotional upheaval in a child's life.

Coping with loss

In this podcast from the Backstory series, Harvey describes what it was like, at the age of 7, to lose his father to imprisonmnent:

• Harvey's Hidden Sentence

In the following quotes children affected by imprisonment describe their feelings of loss:

Major changes

As well as the emotional trauma of losing a loved-one through imprisonment, the affected child may be experiencing a whole host of other major life changes:

• Moving house, sometimes far away from school friends and everything familiar
• Financial difficulties, varying from enforced lifestyle changes to real hardship
• Increased tension and emotional stress at home, sometimes leading to mental health issues such as depression and eating disorders
• A shift in roles and responsibilities, such as older children having more care for younger siblings or feeling responsible for supporting their remaining parent
• Loss of contact with family and friends who deliberately choose to stay away.

The emotional impact

The imprisonment of a family member can seem much like bereavement to a child. Their parent or sibling is suddenly missing. They are often surrounded by anger, grief and confusion in the family.

Adults are quite obviously concealing a lot from them. However, when a death occurs in the family this is not just acknowledged but talked about and celebrated, at the same time as the family is facing the pain and loss. The absence of a family member through imprisonment is often accompanied by shame, stigma and silence.

Children and young people grieve just as much as adults but they show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on adults to provide them with what they need to support them in their grief. Children have a limited ability to put feelings, thoughts and memories into words and tend to act out with behaviours rather than express themselves verbally. A family member showing grief will encourage them to express theirs. A child's behaviour is a good guide to how they are coping, and this is as true for a very young child as it is for a teenager.

The emotional turmoil following the loss of someone close can be expressed in many ways:

• Shock
  This can be in the form of physical pain but more often is shown in apathy, withdrawal, refusal to eat, abnormal calm or anger. Children may be quiet and compliant, may seem to be coping well and giving no trouble
• Denial
  This can last for hours, weeks or even longer. No loss is acknowledged so the child is protecting him/herself. This distortion of reality can create more problems in the future
• Mixed emotions
  Children may be frightened by the way they feel, by the unexpected waves of strong emotion over which they have little control. These feelings include:
  
  
  • going over and over what has happened
  • anger with the police and courts, or at the person who has let them down, or with family members for not stopping what has happened
  • directionless anger against everything
  • depression, emptiness, feelings of lack of self-worth, loss of confidence
  • guilt about what has happened
  • a feeling that it is somehow their fault
  • anxiety about the changes in their lives and the potential for loneliness and bullying.

Impact on behaviour

Children's feelings are often internalised because of the stigma suffered by the families of prisoners. Children may have been told not to tell anyone - or they have decided themselves they do not want anyone outside the family to know. The most likely symptoms of anxiety in these children are:

• bed-wetting
• nightmares
• temper tantrums
• aggressive behaviour
• withdrawal
• refusing to go to school
• self-harming/eating disorders
• drug/alcohol misuse.

The behaviour of a child or young person who has a parent in prison may change when significant events are due. These events might include:

• the trial or sentencing of a parent who has been living at home on remand
• prison visits
• the prisoner's impending release
• special family events such as the prisoner's birthday, religious festivals
• the child not being able to share personal events such as exam or sporting successes.

If a school, an agency working with the family, or out-of-school organisation the child attends are aware of a child's home circumstances, it is easier to prepare for possible behavioural changes associated with this event.

Potential for bullying

Bullying is an abuse of power and is often a significant issue for the children of offenders. Fear that their child may be bullied can mean that families try to maintain secrecy about their circumstances. About one fifth of children in a study (Sentenced Families, Ormiston 2004) about the impact of imprisonment said they had experienced bullying. Others said they feared being bullied if they talked openly about their situation.

Bullying behaviour can include:

• racist comments or jokes
• threatening remarks
• hitting, spitting, pinching
• name-calling targeting any perceived weakness
• taking, hiding, damaging possessions
• spreading stories or rumours often via texts or online
• ignoring - 'sending him/her to Coventry'
• intimidation - either face-to-face or via texts, social media, graffiti.

A child with a parent in prison may also be bullying other children. The child will find it very difficult to talk if those responsible do not know their circumstances.

Children bully because they:

• think bullying is 'what everyone does'
• feel unhappy and release their anger through bullying
• have been bullied themselves or excluded from their peer group
• feel they can regain some control in their lives by exercising power over others
• have been encouraged to bully by their friends
• have never faced the consequences of their behaviour
• have shown prejudice based on race, gender, sexual orientation and special needs in other ways.

Positive exceptions

Sometimes imprisonment of a parent or sibling can bring benefits to a child's life. For some, it will bring a chance to enjoy a period of calm and stability at home. However, the fears and associated behaviours can resurface whenever the child visits the prisoner and as the release date approaches. Also, a child may actually feel guilty because they are feeling happier during the period of imprisonment of their family member.

What prisoners' children need from their parents

The list of quotes below comes from a university study of children affected by imprisonment:

Ormiston Families' Breaking Barriers service

Ormiston's Breaking Barriers outreach workers provide one-to-one support, at home, school and in the community, for children and young people (aged 5-16) affected by the imprisonment of a family member.

Visit our main website to find out more, or make a referral, or watch a short film about Breaking Barriers: